Struggling with my self image ...

Sunday - Rest
Monday - Strength Training

• Kettlebells - 30 minutes (Joint Mobility Warm Up and 2X Fat Blast Workout)

When I woke up this morning, I decided not to workout as I planned because I wanted to measure myself. Six weeks ago, I went through the process of measuring myself to set a baseline of measurement for my progress. I know it isn't exactly accurate because I started my lifestyle change in February, which is way more than six weeks ago. My original intention was to measure myself every four weeks but since I was on vacations I let it slide. After I returned from vacation, I didn't want to measure myself because I was afraid that my physical appearance wasn't changing even though my weight has been dropping. When I look in the mirror, I still see the remnants of the person I used to be. I only see the imperfections that remain and I don't really see the changes that are occurring. I think I have had self image issues my entire life. My situation isn't being helped any when I receive compliments on a daily basis at work about my new physique. I watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta on TLC over the weekend that really struck a chord with me. One of the girls at the bridal salon had recently gone through her own lifestyle change where she lost 65 pounds over the course of a year. (I promise I was not on the TV show.) Even though her physical appearance had drastically changed, she still saw her old self and all of her old problem areas every time she looked in the mirror. Her lack of self confidence about her new physique really made the experience of wedding dress shopping a painful one for herself. I know that I am not getting married any time soon but I am afraid that as I continue down this journey I will be my own worst enemy. I have been so self conscious of my physical appearance for so long that it will be hard to see myself as a changed woman with the physique I have always wants but never thought I could have and I never have the guts to try to get it.

By the way, the results of my measuring process are a loss of 8.6 pounds, 13.25 inches (total), and 3 inches in my hips. Now keep in mind that these results are over the course of 6 weeks and me measuring myself. Hopefully, I will have more accurate measurements taken when I finally sit down with a personal trainer in the next couple of weeks.

My workout tonight was great. I felt upset with myself this morning because I didn't workout but I still was able to get it in. I really like the workouts on my new kettlebell DVD. They are more about using the weight of the kettlebell for its intended purpose rather than a prop to swing around for added resistance to body weight/cardio exercises. Now don't misunderstand me. I really enjoyed the Kettlenetics workout program and it helped me get to where I am now but it can only take you so far and there isn't a whole lot of room to grow. The exercises that are done in those videos can not be done with any bell heavier than 8 lb. I honestly can't wait until I access to heavier kettlebells to see how my fitness will improve. I also really want to talk to a personal trainer that can point me in the right direction. Up to this point, I have been doing everything on my own. I have developed my own nutrition plan and my own training plan (with the help of Nike+ and Jeff Galloway). I try to listen to my body as much as possible but I haven't quite figured out what my body's threshold actually is. I think I am going to join that gym this weekend and get the ball rolling. I guess I will have to write down my kettlebell workouts so I can take them with me.